When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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