I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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