My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
