we're blogging at a bar
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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