Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
