New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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