Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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