He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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