there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
