I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
