I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
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