I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
