I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
