It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
