Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
