I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Randomize
