I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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