First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
