i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
