we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
