my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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