once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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