i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
