I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Im part way to drunk.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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