Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
