He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
