I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
