He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
