Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
