I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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