I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
