All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
