No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
