You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
A+ Viking dick
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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