i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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