the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
