dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It all started with a game of naked twister.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
