Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
how does that bad decision feel?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
