I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
wat bout pragnant strippers??
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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