the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Randomize
