Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
