best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
