ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
