we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
