Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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