is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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