This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
