its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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