worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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