Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
