I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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