you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
