hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My vagina is very pro this idea
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