if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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