You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
